The best mindset in love

I once read a quote about the best mindset in love, which is:

everything I have given to you is voluntary, I won’t complain anything about this. If you love me back, then I will appreciate, but if you feel nothing in return, I won’t be discouraged either. If someday I won’t love you as much as I did, then let’s set part and live happily to our own.

I have fallen in love a couple of times in my life. Every time I was being complete honest and open. But I was connected very deep with my insecurities, so I was being also very fragile and hysterical. I had met a guy who I thought liked me and was honest with me, turned out to be the biggest lair in my life. I was shocked to find out a guy who claimed liked me and not in a relationship actually is in a long term relationship and was engaged for a long time. I honestly couldn’t know how he managed to balance the real life and the fake life for such a long time. Aside from impressed by his masterful lying skill, I feel tremendously sorry for his fiancé who loves him and trusts him.

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A letter to my dearest friend

My dearest friend:

You probably don’t know I don’t believe in god, we never talk about religion, in fact, we never really talk in the past seven years. Since you don’t speak any human languages. But I believe in nature, so now you are back to nature mother again, so hopefully this letter find you well.

You know me and sister almost didn’t ‘buy’ you on 25th Oct, 2011. We lied to our mom that we just went out for breakfast at 5 a.m. In fact, we went to the ‘pet market’ instead. We locked our eyes on a white male dog at the beginning, we were about to take him home. But thanks for everything, thanks god if there is any, thanks for nature, thanks for faith. We had you at the end. You were just like a small yellow little mouse, standing in front of those little mouse- tiny puppies that were even tinier than you. And we never even heard of Corgi before, only were told that you would never grow big, which is nice for us, since we are also pretty tiny compared to other humans.

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Life is not about completing

There was an idea in my whole life:

once I finished my study, then I would complete learning; once I found my dream job, then I would be settled; once I found a partner, then I would love him forever; once I went to Germany, I would realize my life time dream..

If I had learned something this year, I learned that, life is always changing, we are always changing, there is no such term as completion. Whatever happened to us every day, whoever we met in our life in a daily basis, make us change to a person who we probably didn’t expect us to be.

Ten years ago, I was just like most of girls who graduated from school, and dreamed about our own dreams, it was walking on a foreign land, and discovering my soul and my spirit, it was working in movie industry and working with people who I admired, it was being a journalist and exposing the dark side of the society. I had so much dreams in my life, not because I have knowledge of them, but I thought it would make me feel alive, feel special or I think this should be the way to make me grow.

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One thing I learned from people that I liked

Every time when I feel a relationship is going to break apart, when someone I like is fading away from my life, it feels like I am trapped in a box, cannot breathe, cannot run away and cannot see anything.

At high school, I met the first boy I truly liked, he was the cutest boy I ever known, with the warmest smile I ever seen. I spent four years liking him, but I was too shy to express my feeling to him; Then I met another boy at my early 20s, for a long time, I thought he was my soul mate, I learned to express my feeling to him, he inspired me to be a better person, but I was so insecure, I was worried all the time that he would walk away from my life some day; In the mid of my 20s, I had a crush on another boy for two years, I know how to express my thoughts and feelings, I was no longer insecure and I learned to be patient, but I realized there won’t be all boys that having the same connection with you; So soon, I am at my late 20s, I met a boy who I could talk with, there was no insecurity, there was connection, but there was another thing I never face- arguments and hurts, constantly.

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Lost stars

“-But are we all lost stars,

-trying to light up the dark? ”

There were many times I ran across this movie “Begin again” on the watching list, for some reasons, I ignored it again and again, probably because I couldn’t imagine the music chemistry with Keira Knightley and Mark Ruffalo , and probably because I am not a big fan of “once”, even there are many people liking this film. But somehow, today I finally watched “Begin again” and amazed by how authentic and beautiful this film is.

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