How to get over a crush and rejection

This is one of the biggest cliché topics in relationship. Yet for such a long time, we never have an definite answer for it. I have been there for a few times, wished I could find a pill to take then I can erase the memory with this person. Rather to think of something unrealistic, I realized there are some paths that I can take to go over someone who doesn’t like me back. Here are ten paths I found from the last experiences and hope it will put some insights to a girl or a guy who is going through a crush situation.

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1. Confession:

Whether he or she is a new friend in town, or a cute co-worker, or one of your closest friends, even someone who already in a relationship. Just tell them. This is the only way to get them out of your system. But think it through before your confession, it doesn’t need to be fancy, just tell them how you feel. No one in this world, except a psychopath, will be annoyed by a decent and authentic confession.

2. Accept and Respect:

When you received a rejection, it hurts, no matter how strong or confident you are, it is disappointing, sad or even triggering some hatred or awkwardness towards this person. Now put yourself into her or his shoes, will you want someone who is rejected by you hate you ever since? Accept and respect their decision. Like the way you hope other people to accept and respect you.

3. Understand:

It is not about you. Again, it is not about you. Most people get frustrated because of rejection, they consider themselves as a nice person, cute, funny, you are probably being pursued by other people at the same time, but how come this guy or girl who has been smiling at you since you know each other turned down your love?

Believe yourself, you are nice, cute, funny, it is all about them. Imagine yourself go to KFC and ask for a chicken wing and they tell you all chicken wings are sold out, I think there are only a few people or no one would consider KFC is messing up with them, even if they provide chicken wings to everyone or to you every day, but it is about KFC really running out of chicken wings. You just happen to buy them at the wrong time. So try to understand them instead of questioning your own quality, your own quality has NOTHING to do whether you are rejected by ANYONE or not.

4. Embrace your feelings:

If you want to cry, then cry, if you want to talk to someone, then talk to someone, if you feel hurt at your heart, then feel it. I never believe someone who is rejected by someone  they really care will recover after three days. You are not going to recover after a week or a month or even a year. Why make such an effort to deny you have feeling for this person? You are not denying this person, but denying yourself. Why need to do that? Your feeling is real, your emotion is true. Even a flu takes around two weeks to recover without medicine, not to mention a heartache, so feel that sadness and disappointment, admit their existence. They are your feelings, same as your love and passion. Once you acknowledge them, they are no longer your enemy, something you desperately want to get rid of, but another parts of your emotion, you live with them, and they no longer haut you or hurt you.

5. Let go of the delusion:

when we like someone, we picture about our future with them. Have a relationship, get married, raise kids, grow old together, we always picture the best parts of the future, but mostly we don’t picture about the pain, fight, misunderstanding, disrespect, betrayal.

When the person we love falls for another person, have a relationship with another person.  We become jealous and resentful. We are so convinced that they both will live happy forever, meanwhile, we believe we are doomed, we will never meet such person again, we will never fall in love again. How could that be? Even you know what will happen in this year, how could you or anyone possibly sure what will happen in next ten years, or twenty years, how could you be so sure your crush will never turn into someone you will never want to be in love with? Can anyone predict Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie would get divorce after ten years, when they were so much in love at the beginning?

6. Take is as a challenge

Be honest with yourself, this is not the first time you are rejected by someone, and this will not be the last time you are rejected by someone, whether this is your family member, your best friend or a job interview. Basically we have been rejected since we were born, parents rejected you a new toy wish when you were little, your teacher rejected your idea, your friend rejected your lunch invitation, your boss rejected your proposal. Believe yourself, you are way much more resilient than you think, you are way much strong when facing rejection than you think are.

7. Make peace with him/her

If this person is someone you will meet regularly because of work or school or whatever situation. The best case is you both accept the event and act as normal as it is. Or you might have some awkward moments or worst, there might be some misunderstanding.

If possible, try to find a chance to talk with them a bit privately, it doesn’t need to be long or complicated, just take a bit time to make things clear. If both people still want to be friends, then both need to make an effort to go through this phrase, or if one of them or both don’t think a friendship can be continued, then the other one needs to accept and respect their decision. Whatever the result is, it is always better to make things clear and simple.

8. Do something:

You don’t need to take a long journey to find yourself again. Go out for vacation doesn’t necessary help since you might be lonely during the trip or it might even trigger more of your emotions.

Just do anything, take a dance course, learn French, organize a party, read a famous novel, learn guitar, plant vegetables, anything that makes you feel good and makes you feel you are not stopping your life because of this event.

9. Smile and Be more open minded:

She is NOT the one, he is NOT your soul mate. Think about how many people you will miss because you believe that, you basically shut the door from all the potential lovers. When you are sitting at a corner and weeping over someone who doesn’t care about you or love you, you might already miss a romance, because someone has noticed your kindness or cuteness. So no matter what happened, smile and be open minded for a new person, a new relationship.

10. Love yourself:

Love yourself first, love yourself the most. This is not saying you should be selfish, no, but we must care about ourselves, how we feel. If we are in a relationship that don’t make us happy or fulfilled, why do you convince yourself to get into it?

If you order a dish that you don’t like, you will just stop eating it and will never order it again. Same as in relationship, if you value your own happiness, you will run away from someone who doesn’t see you as a lover or just try to string you along. You will run away because this is a threat to your happiness.

Last but not least, most people we met is just a passenger in our life long journey, someday when you look back, you might even surprise you forgot about them totally. No matter what ends, you are being a warm-hearted human being, you allow yourself to love, to give love, you might get hurt, rejected, but this is a way to grow up, so one day, you can encourage your friends, your children when they been through something difficult. A rejection will NEVER end your life or happiness, it is way to make you grow and make you become stronger, so live in the moment, cherish this experience and keep moving.

Author: Ms.Wanling

Painter|German learner|Movie critic|Astrologist|Nature lover|Conversationist

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