We all been there:
a promising job didn’t turn into promotion or raise; a well planned trip was blown off in the last minute; a relationship doesn’t go on the same way as we wished for.
When something goes ‘wrong’, we start to question ourselves: have I done something wrong? have I said something bad? do I not deserve good things? Sometimes, most of the time, when something bad happened, when things don’t go on the same way as we hoped for, isn’t always mean it is something we did, but it has something to do with what we expected.
In our lifetime, we can be many different characters, we are a daughter, a son, a lover, a best friend, a co-worker, a boss, an employee, a father, a mother. When we are a daughter, we hope that our parents will always stand by our sides, love us and support us no matter what we do; when we are an employee, we hope our boss will give us a raise, value us and forget all the mistakes we made; when we are a lover, we hope our partner will love us and protect us forever, even if there are times they need our help and they are upset or stressed.
It is not wrong to have expectation, but when a expectation exceeds reality, it can be disastrous. Because that is the moment where we only think about ourselves, we think we should deserve all the things we wish for and plan for, we forget everyone has their lives and their pursues. Basically we input our ideal life into other people’s lives. And this mind set can only lead to painful experience and drive us far to the road to be a understanding person.
When we have our disappointing moment, try to not take it personal. Take a breath and think for a while: does what I wish for exceeded reality?
Few days ago I asked a guy to commit a relationship with me, I did that out of fear, because I found myself liking him more and more and all I thought about was myself, I wanted to be with him and I wanted him to feel the same, but he didn’t. I was very disappointed, because this was not the answer I was hoping for. I wished him and expected him to say something more hopeful, so that I could tell him how much I wished it could work and how we were going to make this work. But he told me straight that this is not going to work. For a moment, I didn’t even know how to react, because it was out of my expectation, I didn’t prepare for it.
But very soon, I realized this disappointment came from no where, it was like a punch named reality on my face. But this is at least real, this is not a dream, this is something happening, and every time when an disappointment occurs, we know it is time to let go of our fantasy and live in reality.
And when every time a disappointment occurs, it hurts, it feels terrible and painful. But it tells us to move on, it tells us to redirect or redefine what we should expect, it also tells us to understand, because when we are disappointed by some people, we are also disappointing some people. As said, we cannot truly experience pleasure and joy without feeling the pain and disappointment. But by adjusting what we should be expecting and measuring the reality, we can have a more understanding heart to accept what goes on our life without blaming and fearing what will be coming next.